


Hansel and Gretel AU

by basiltonn



Series: Hansel and Gretel AU [1]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hansel and Gretel Fusion, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-02 08:35:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11505669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basiltonn/pseuds/basiltonn
Summary: Simon Snow sets off into the dark and tangled forest, rumored to be riddled with goblins and vampires, to look for a home to take him in. He ends up getting more than he bargained for





	1. Kicked Out

**Author's Note:**

> Bonjour  
> So! This is my first time writing on a03! I work mostly on Tumblr, but I've been enjoying the platform on here so I thought I would upload the first bit of my WIP on here! I hope you like it!

Simon Snow had just been tossed to the curb by the last remaining house in the village. In fact, the last remaining house in any of the next three villages in all directions. He’s stayed at them all just to be kicked out for whatever reason. They thought he might be a witch, he ate too much, he was too loud, he never picked up his towels, things like that. Of course, all directions means to the north, the east and the south of the village. To the west was a thick, black, tangled forest. No one knew what lurked in the bowels of that forest, but no one wanted to find out. There were stories of black magic and cannibals. Vampires and goblins. Simon did not much believe in magic, but he had always been wary of that place. But now, it was either wander through the forest and find a nice old grandma who wondered why no one ever came to see her, or he could sleep on one sheet of newspaper and have his hair eaten by goats. He figured he would skip the hair-eating-goats and take a risk. He fumbled in his pocket, looking around for a bit of change. He fished out at least three pounds. That could buy him a carton of milk and maybe a bag of rice. He had a handful of belongings already. A sack that had two sets of clothes, an old tattered copy of Robin Hood. It wasn’t much, but it was- no. It wasn’t much at all, there was no denying it. Simon huffed and creaked open the door of the town’s one tiny store. A bell at the top of the door rang, introducing him. He said hello to the clerk and asked for a bag of rice. He scanned the wall behind the man and then glanced at the change in his hand. He shrugged slightly and asked to add a tub of cherries to the purchase. Simon paid for his food and gingerly shoved the last of his coins into his pocket. He thanked the clerk and walked back outside. He still needed milk (they hadn’t sold any at the shop). He also needed to cook this rice, it was no good raw. He had only one friend in the village. An eccentric lady named Ebb. Ebb kept goats and wore trousers and tunics. She had her hair cut to just above her ears, she did it herself with a kitchen knife. Barbers wouldn’t do it for her. Simon had asked once why she kept her hair like that. She told him long hair was too much of a hassle. It was hot and got in the way. Simon couldn’t imagine having long, flowing hair, like most ladies. It would be inconvenient.  
The only reason why Simon didn’t stay with Ebb was because she had no space. Ebb and her bloody goats. There were twelve of them now, they lived in her house and in the small back garden. Simon was big, loud and in the way. There was no room for twelve goats and another big old Simon Snow. So Simon wandered from house to house. But, Ebb did what she could. So, Simon trotted over to her house to ask if he could have some goat’s milk. Ebb smiled brightly when she saw him,  
“I’ll always have milk for my Simon!” She pulled open the door and Simon let himself in. He sat in one of her rickety chairs and watched a goat chomp on a blanket. Ebb prepared him some milk,  
“So, what this for anyways?”  
“Ah well, I’ve been kicked out of the last house that’s left,” Ebb nodded thoughtfully, “And so I figured I would just wander through the forest to see what I find.” Ebb’s head whipped around to look at Simon,  
“The forest? Are you mad, Simon?”  
“What do you mean? You don’t really believe all those stories, do you?”  
“Of course I do! My uncle walked through there one night and never came back. His body was found, there was no blood left in his body, just skin, organs and couple of bones. Simon, do you know what kind of thing just eats blood? Vampires! Vampires, Simon!” Simon looked calmly at his friend,  
“You saw your uncle’s body, Ebb?”  
“Well no, my mum used to tell me about it.”  
“Maybe it was just to keep you out of the forest.”  
“Well, why would she want me out of the forest?” Ebb shouted, tossing her arms in the air,  
“I don’t know! Maybe she didn’t want you getting lost!”  
“Getting lost- ha! You sure think some crazy things Simon Snow, anyway, here’s your milk.” Simon grinned and took the milk. It was fastened in a large glass jar and so Simon shoved it in his sack. He offered his friend his last few pence. She shook her head, refusing the payment,  
“Well, if you insist.” He shoved the coins back into his pocket. He rummaged around his sack and then pulled out the sack of rice,  
“You mind if I cook this on your stove?”  
“‘Course not. I’ll do it myself.” Ebb started a pot of water and the two friends chatted while the rice cooked. In 15 minutes, Simon was hugging his friend goodbye, but then she stopped him and handed him two small bags,  
“In this bag,” she started, “are pebbles. You drop them behind you while you walk in case you want to turn around. Okay?” Simon nodded,  
“And the other bag?”  
“Garlic. For the vampires.”


	2. Into the Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon sets off into the forest

Simon embarked on his journey through the forest. There wasn’t any kind of path, and the tree branches liked to reach out and grab at his clothes. He sighed in frustration but continued along. Now, Ebb said a lot of crazy things, but her pebble idea might have been an okay one, so Simon laid stones behind him while he walked, respecting his friend’s wisdom. No matter how many goats she had.   
Simon walked for what felt like hours, but when he glanced at his pocket watch, it told him had been walking for a little under twenty minutes. Simon disregarded the time and decided that he was hungry, no matter how long he had been walking, so he pulled out the cherries from his bag. They were on the sour side, but that’s how he liked them. He spat the pits on the ground and kept dropping the pebbles behind him.   
After Simon had been walking for a few hours, he wondered if all hope was lost. Perhaps all there was in the forest was nothing. No goblins or vampires or even nice old ladies. Simon groaned in despair and flopped onto a nearby tree stump. He put his head in his hands and sighed. He decided he would stop for the night and see how he felt in the morning. He looked inside his bag of cherries, a few mushy ones were left, so he started in on his rice and milk. He fell asleep on a tree stump with an empty rice container and a full belly.   
\---  
Simon Snow awoke to a bright sunrise and insistent bird song. His sleep had not been comfortable and he was hungry again. He rummaged around in his sack and reluctantly ate the last few mushy cherries. He made a face as he chewed on them and started gathering together his few possessions. He looked at the trail of pebbles behind him and he watched it go on and on for what seemed like forever. He groaned and decided that he better just keep walking forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments & Kudos always appreciated!  
> *Find more of my work at basiltonn.tumblr.com


	3. Baz

Those few cherries hadn’t done much for him, and his stomach was starting to grumble. He wondered if maybe he should just lie down and die right there, because that’s who Simon was, dramatic as all get out. He tossed his arms in the air and continued along the makeshift path, picking at the last bits of rice stuck to the bottom of their bag. Suddenly, Simon’s nose turned up into the air, was that? Could it be? Roast beef? He was almost drooling, and even though there was a roaring pit of hunger in his stomach, he started to run. He was afraid he might trip over a tree root and crack open his skull, but at this point, he didn’t really give a fuck. Dirt went flying and leaves tumbled into his hair as he dashed towards the scent. It grew stronger and stronger and he was certain it wasn’t just some kind of messed up mirage. He tripped over his feet and then finally, yes, a house. A cottage, in fact. He was bouncing on his heels as he banged on the door. He was hoping to be greeted by a lovely old lady who would offer him Yorkshire Pudding, roasted potatoes and a big cut of roast beef. When the door opened, he was not, in fact, greeted by an old woman. He was greeted by a stern looking man, about his age. Thick black hair that he had let grow long, a striking widow’s peak and cold grey eyes. He also had a strong look of distaste fixed on his face. None of these factors stopped Simon from asking for a meal, though. Not much would stop Simon from asking for a meal. Simon bypassed the man’s fierce demeanor and started to tell his story. He said how he had been walking and had nowhere to stay and-  
“Alright.” The stranger interjected, “You can come in.” Simon’s face lit up and he followed the man inside. The two of them stood in the small kitchen and Simon stuck out his hand,   
“Simon Snow,” Simon said. The man took his hand and shook,   
“Basilton Pitch. You’ll call me Baz.” Simon nodded, distracted by the meal awaiting him,  
“Do sit.” Said Baz and went to fix them both a plate. Simon sat at the small table, hungrily. For a second he wondered why Baz had let him in, but he shook the thought from his head. He was probably just lonely, Simon would have been too, living alone in a house like that. He tried to think absolutely nothing of the stranger, but he did decide to slip his garlic from his bag to his pocket. Just in case. Baz sat down next to Simon and handed him the plate. Simon grabbed the plate and started eating immediately, disregarding all table manners. Baz ate slowly, watching Simon out of one careful eye.   
\---  
Basilton Pitch was a good man. He had simply been given a… well, a curse. Of sorts. Before him, there had been a man who had lived here and he had had the same duty that Basil had now. He was meant to watch over the forest and when anyone came too far he’d. He’d teach them a lesson. That man had been his great-uncle. After his uncle had died, he bestowed the responsibilities onto Baz. It was a simple measure to pass on the responsibilities, all you had to do was make the person next in line into a vampire. And that was simple enough, wasn’t it? So, Baz’s great uncle had given him a nip on the neck and then passed away peacefully, giving his murdering duties away to his great-nephew. So Baz had packed up his bags and made his way into the forest to live out a murderous career. The thing was, the great-uncle had been great at his job and so not many people came wandering that far into the forest. There had been a couple others, before this Simon guy. Baz had never actually killed any of them. He’d always gotten out of it. The first time, he simply shooed away the visitor. Another time a girl had wandered in and he had panicked just before biting them and instead just cut a hole in the girl’s lip. She thought he was trying to kiss her so she ran away in a huff.  
He couldn’t really imagine actually killing a person. There was no actual reason to. The killing was very pointless. They just didn’t want any whippersnappers in their forest, or whatever. He would have left, ages ago. If he could. But he was magicked to the house. He wouldn’t be able to get far if he ever tried to leave. So now he was stuck with this handsome stranger, debating whether or not he should kill him or kiss him.  
-  
Basilton Pitch was very much so gay. But that didn’t mean he went around kissing any bloke he laid eyes on. In fact, he had never kissed anyone. It was 1692, you didn’t exactly go around smashing your face against other men’s. Baz had given up on God a long time ago, so none of this had to do with the sin. It was more just the public shaming. Not that he spent much time in the public eye. Anyways, Baz was only intrigued in this man’s mouth because… well… maybe it was the eyes. Maybe the curls. Maybe it was his… demeanor. Maybe it was his mouth, the way it curled up in one corner when he spoke. Maybe it was the way he had smiled when he first saw Baz. Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. He was going to have to keep his thoughts to himself. He didn’t really want to kill this guy, but maybe he would have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos always appreciated! Find more of me on basiltonn.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

Baz had a very lovely guest bedroom, Simon noticed. It was interesting because well, Baz likely didn’t get very many guests. Due to the fact that he lived in the depths of a haunted forest. Simon wondered if Baz knew about the rumors. About the vampires who sucked people dry or the goblins who… did whatever goblins did.  
Simon had been treated to a hot cup of tea and a warm and cozy bed. He lit a candle and read his book. He hadn’t lived somewhere quite like this ever before. Somewhere so… welcoming.  
\---  
Baz left the visitor alone for a while. He went around, minding his own business, making breakfast for the two of them, washing the sheets every second wednesday. It was easy enough to pretend like everything was normal. But then it was difficult to help himself. Every time he looked in the other bloke’s direction, he would imagine him with his tongue down his throat. It got terribly distracting. He couldn’t stand to look at the other man much longer. He decided that for once he would do his uncle’s bidding. He would plunge into his neck and suck at the man’s sweet blood. Toss him into the forest, to have his body found weeks later, drained of blood and soul.  
\---  
He would do it that night. When he handed his guest a fresh sheet. He would sink his teeth into him, make his uncle proud. He wouldn’t kiss the bloke, he’d let him die. Let the locals deal with him. Maybe they’d send him off to salem to have his killer marked as a witch. Whatever it might be, Basil wouldn’t have to deal with him.  
\---  
He held the pile of sheets in his arms. His heart was racing, he didn’t know why. He shouldn’t have been scared to kill some stranger. He should have toughened up and just plunged into his neck. He swallowed a lump in his throat and handed the sheets to the boy but then swiftly grasped his wrist. Basil watched the stranger tense up. The vampire leaned into the other boy, his fangs popping out of his mouth, he leaned closer and closer…  
Well that was odd.  
He did not have his fangs in anybody’s neck. Instead, he had a hot, warm mouth around his. There was a bundle of sheets around his feet and a strong arm pulling him closer. He opened his eyes and pulled off of the boy. It was painful to rip himself out of the adoring grasp, but he didn’t understand what was happening,  
“Did you just?” The other boy turned crimson,  
“Did you not want… I just thought it might be nice… sorry…” Basil laughed, he couldn’t help himself,  
“Oh no, I assure you it was.” He lunged back at the visitor, stripping off his thin tunic and shoving his hands into his hair. They were at each other, grasping for more of the other, not sure when they’d be satisfied.  
\---  
That was not something Simon Snow had been expecting to do that night. It wasn’t really something he had been expecting to do ever, in fact. He was pretty sure he had liked it. Even if God would frown on him. He didn’t really care much for God, anyway. The biggest question was what he was going to do next. He looked around the room and decided on his next move. The boy (a boy) was still asleep next to him. Simon let out a sigh and pushed a hand through his curls. He pulled on a shirt and trousers that lay beside him on the ground. He took another glance at his host but decided it wasn’t worth pondering over. He had been with a boy and he had quite liked it and that was that. He wasn’t going to fret over it. Years ago, before his reputation had been soiled, he would bring girls home all the time. He would usually make them something to eat. That was the first thing he would do. He would rarely properly… sleep with any of the girls, they were terrified of what might happen, but some were rebellious. He hadn’t properly slept with this man either. He had still had his pants on that morning. He didn’t know what he was meant to do after waking up from kissing a bloke. He shrugged and started working on a pot of porridge. By the time he was done with the meal, he had practically forgotten that he was making this for a boy and that that was wrong. When Basilton walked in, Simon grinned at him hopefully like he would any partner of his. Baz sat down at the table and eyed Simon suspiciously.  
\---  
Baz ran a hand down his own trouser leg, smoothing out invisible creases. Simon sat at the table with him and placed the pot of porridge. Baz looked up at his guest and the bastard offered a glowing smile. Baz looked away, back down to the imaginary creases in his trousers. Simon fixed the two of them a bowl and pushed one closer to Baz. The host looked up and tugged the bowl slightly closer to him. Simon held out a spoon,  
“So. Tell me about yourself. What’s your family like?” Simon asked, liking porridge off the back of his own spoon. Baz nearly choked on his breakfast,  
“What-?”  
“Your family. Your life. I usually ask girls who’ve stayed the night those sort of things in the morning.”  
“You do realize I’m not a lady… right?” Simon shrugged,  
“Yeah.”  
“And you don’t mind?”  
“Whatever. I thought it was nice.” Baz shook his head and let it fall into his hands,  
“This really doesn’t weird you out? You haven’t been with other blokes, have you?”  
“No. Just ladies.” Simon said simply. Baz shook his head again and dipped into the porridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 may be a little time coming because I have to actually... uh... write it. Whoops. Everything up to now has been pre-written. Chapter 6 is actually half written and then we'll see from there lol


End file.
